Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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