my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
