Im at strip club and am horny
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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