just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
