I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Two words: blizzard sex
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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