I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
