i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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