What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just had sex on a roof
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
