And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Randomize
