My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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