I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Sext me about skeletons
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
