She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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