just come out here and I will go home with you...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
