smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
