A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
