I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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