just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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