She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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