there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
