Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
