I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
