Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
