Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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