He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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