If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
