He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
