a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize