We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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