all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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