I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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