I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
