Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
