dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
