I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
