I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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