Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
this boner is exhausting
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
