like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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