No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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