I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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