Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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