how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
