You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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