I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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