I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
