I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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