Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
