things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
