Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Holy sore nipples Batman
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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