Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
