just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
