Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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